For Chelsey*, 21, moving back to her hometown in the East Midlands left her feeling deflated. She had spent the past three years as a carefree student, living in a city she considered far more vibrant and dynamic than her “boring” hometown.

Depictions of adulthood post-grad have often been carried with a sense of romanticism: twenty-somethings are expected to live like they’re in Girls as they find themselves in the ‘big city.’ But this has become largely unachievable in the current climate: earlier this year, it was revealed that the cost of rent had risen by £1,200 in the past year alone. The number of jobs available for graduates is shrinking, as vacancies have dropped by roughly 50 per cent.

So it’s not too surprising that a UCL study revealed that 68 per cent of 23-year-olds in the UK are living with their parents due to financial reasons. Moving out long-term has become unaffordable for many young people, and often, transitioning from living independently to being back under your parents’ roof can feel like regressing — especially if, like Chelsey, your parents don’t live in a particularly exciting place and you feel untethered from any sense of community.

The existential dread of moving back to a hometown filled with nothing but empty nightclubs and abandoned furniture shops can feel, unsurprisingly, lonely. But the first step to feeling better is recognising how common those feelings are. “Going back to a hometown can, for some people, feel like there’s an element of failure and an element of returning to this previous version of themselves,” says Fiona Yassin, a psychotherapist and founder of The Wave Clinic. Additionally, there may also be external conflict where “others expect us to be something they knew before” — which is often especially true of parents, who might struggle to let go of their outdated perception of you as a child.

Moving back home can be hard — but it’s possible to make things easier (and even find some advantages in the whole situation). Read on for our tips on how to make the best of it if you’re living back in your hometown.

REMEMBER THAT YOU’RE NOT THE SAME PERSON 

Yassin notes that moving back to your hometown can feel like “a return to this younger part of ourselves” — but she also highlights that it does not have to feel like moving backwards. Growing up isn’t always linear, after all. “While previous attachment bonds are going to be ignited in some way, it is also an opportunity for another chapter in your story,” she says.

If you’ve been at uni or living elsewhere for a while, it’s safe to assume you have grown up in some way during your time away. Maybe you’re more sociable and better at making small talk with strangers. Perhaps you’re a lot better with money than when you were a teenager. Stepping into your childhood bedroom can leave you with the false impression that nothing’s really changed, but it’s important to remember this is far from the case. 

REACH OUT TO YOUR FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND

Nowadays, with social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that literally everyone is living a far more exciting and successful life than your own. But this isn’t the case — and one way of proving it to yourself is by reaching out to friends who are in a similar position to you (even better if you have old friends to reconnect with in your hometown and you can meet up with them in person). It’s helpful to have peers who understand how you feel — if you fancy the occasional mope, it can be nice to have someone there with you.

Plus, you never know what silver lining might come out of an otherwise depressing situation. For Neeve, 24, moving back to her hometown after studying in London was a transition far from what she had envisioned for herself. But her attitude soon changed after reconnecting with a former schoolmate. “She’s now my girlfriend, and we live in Glasgow together,” she says.

DRAW UP A PLAN

It can also be helpful to draw up a plan of what your intentions are. When would you like to be moved out by? Are there any goals you’re working towards while at home, such as learning to drive or saving up a specific amount of money? It doesn’t have to be a solid plan or a laundry list of big dreams, but rather a rough idea of milestones (or even just one singular milestone) you can be working towards.

A 2011 study revealed that devising a plan towards a goal can create positive effects on the brain, including self-regulation and reduced stress, so this is a great way to give yourself a mental boost. 

BECOME A REGULAR (LITERALLY ANYWHERE)

Your local pub. Your local library. The charity shops down the road. Social media and consumer culture feed us with the false narrative that only the newest influencer-approved spots are worth visiting, but again, that’s not true. It’s a chase that is fundamentally incompatible with meaningful community. Becoming a regular is just so simple and beautiful (the people yearn to ‘have the usual’!). Becoming a regular can also flip the ‘boringness’ of hometowns on its head: there might be only one interesting café, but it can become your spot, which is exciting! 

DON’T SLEEP ON THE BENEFITS

Fine, you may not be able to participate in the ‘lunch in my city’ trend, but there is so much to love about being in a quieter town.

While 21-year-old Bo’s current hometown in North Wales doesn’t have the most dynamic nightlife, it has so many qualities that a busy student city doesn’t have. Bo now feels refreshed and more at peace: “I hadn’t realised how draining city life can be — being able to be really mindful about what I’m doing and when is amazing.” And if your plan to live at home is temporary, it can be worthwhile to take notice of those benefits before you head out to the big city, making the most of your time there. 

GET CREATIVE

When I was at university, even taking the bins out (that one time) could lead to a fun encounter. I didn’t really have to search to find something to do. At home, things couldn’t be more different. But, really, there are things to do in your boring hometown; you just have to find them. In many ways, the searching can be the fun part: it encourages you to develop your sense of initiative. Before moving back home, I decided to spam-follow a collection of local bars and music venues, and I’ve realised there’s more going on here than I thought.

And if you can’t find anything that catches your eye, start something new; if you can’t find a community, make one. Start small: sometimes a simple ‘anything going on?’ on the estate group chat can go a long way.

*Names have been changed